Original Poem 4: Skipping

Standard

Preface: Use Lawrence Ferlingbetti’s “A Coney Island of the Mind, #15” as a model for an open form poem. Shape the lines so that they convey a kind of movement, just as Ferlingbetti uses his form to convey balancing. Write the poem in the present tense. Include a couple internal rhymes and alliteration.

Note: When writing this alliterative, open form poem, my goal was to create a metaphor. As the poem took shape, I felt that the poem captured the devastating illness of anorexia and the effects that the illness has on the individual, as well as those who love someone with the disease. Each line follows a 4, 3, 2, 1 word length pattern, with a final line of 5 words. In my original, the font size goes from big to small, but I could not figure out how to format the font on my blog, so sadly that stylistic piece is missing. Additionally, my original does not contain the dashes, but again, I could not for the life of me figure out how to format the lines on this blog. Each time I previewed the post, the lines all shifted back to the left, erasing the length. I kind of like the dashes though. They’re like the skips of a rock on water.

Finally, I would like to note that I just decided to change the word “waveless” to “wakeless” in the second to last stanza for two reasons: a) because “waveless” is not a real word and b) because “wakeless” is a wonderful play on words. The word is normally used for continual sleep and not in the context of wakes in water. The use of the word “wake” also alludes to a funeral. Bada bing bada boom.

(In order to view and read the poem correctly, you must click on the post. Otherwise the lines are jumbled.)

Skipping

Fall 2009

————————————————————————————lightest,

—————————————————————-who’s the

————————————-compete to see

Flat, stick-skinny rocks

———————————————————————————-weightless.

——————————————————————-as if

————————-farthest, who flies

who can skip the

—————————————————————————————–rifts,

———————————————————————-through unseen

———————————————blue despair, seep

They sink into bottomless

—————————————————————————————–Discreetly,

———————————————————————-carry them.

————————————their slender bodies

no matter how far

————————————————————————————–dry

———————————————————————to warm,

———————————————–to shore, clings

they disappear. Driftwood floats

——————————————————————————————wakeless,

———————————————————————-plunge into

———————————–the fearless rocks

sand, and cringes as

—————————————————————————————tombs,

———————————————————————-their own

————————————-skeletal stones become

grave dressed water. Their

——————————————————–and the driftwood mourns silently.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s